Eggs Over Easy

When this nightmare began, and I was informed of my treatment plan, I had many fears. Not being able to bear children when it is all said and done, was not one of them. In the initial two hour meeting with my Medical Oncologist he was adamant about exploring my fertility options. Little did I know before this consultation, that chemotherapy would potentially destroy my body's ability to create eggs. And would also curse me with, what I consider to be an extremity low percentage, to be able to carry a child after treatment. Because of this, Tyler and I were forced to make a decision that I never imagined would be so difficult.

 Fight for our right and save the eggs.

 OR

Take our chances that could ultimately end with

 Raylan being our one and only sweet little blessing. 

Due to the timing of my diagnosis and my monthly visitor, we had approximately 3 days to decide. 

I'm sure at this point you are asking what there is to think about in this scenario. Why not do it? What could it hurt?  

Funny you should ask. For starters, cancer is fed by hormones. The same hormones that I would have to inject into my body prior to the procedure. So there is the argument that I would potentially be taking the cancer on a date to an all you can eat buffet. Lets also throw in the fact that my treatment would have to be pushed back a couple of weeks in order to be able to have the egg retrieval procedure. And the way my doctors are talking, and the steps that they have taken to be aggressive and get the ball rolling, it didn't feel like I had the time.  Another reason, that should never be a reason, is the financial aspects of the procedure. I cant be confident but I am pretty sure that walking into the fertility clinic there was a sign on the door that read " SHOW ME THE MONEY". I shoulda just turned away right then and there. Instead, I entered the golden gates and had a pretty emotional therapy session with the Doctor. An hour later, after discussing my hesitations, and my options , I left there confident that I still had no idea what I should do. 

Tyler and I spent the weekend trying to weigh our options. All two of them. Do it or don't. I was given reassurance that the hormone injections would be such a short process that it wouldn't affect the cancer that has been growing in my body for the last year. But Instead would make me feel good, and happy. In that case... Put me in Coach! I need all the happy medicine I can get right now! That'll be $17,000 Please. BENCH ME COACH!!!! Let me just go ahead and say on record, without getting into the politics of it all, that healthcare is a joke. Especially healthcare when it comes to a woman's reproductive system. This was not something that I was choosing to do because I'm getting older and wanted options down the road. No, I am considering this because cancer has decided to wreak havoc on my body and rip yet another thing away from me and my life. Ultimately it doesn't matter what the reason, insurance wont touch it. Not one cent. So now, the decision that should have been so easy to make after given reassurance it was safe, is near impossible. My thoughts were all over the place about the burden that I would be placing on my family. I had guilt about spending that kind of money,  guiding my decision to be a big fat no. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just money, that shouldn't weigh on my decision to do what is best for me. And let me just add a little disclaimer to those who will say this decision had no bearing on what was "best" for me. Because I know you all are out there! 

Cancer is an evil thing that will be taking away so many things from me. Time with my son, my day to day health and wellness, my hair,, my energy,  my ability to provide simple things such as household chores and dinner for my family during treatment and did I mention that it will be taking Both breasts?? ( Here's a Big F.U, cancer!) . Do I also allow it to take away my best chance of having more children? 

So the decision comes down to this... Money versus the ability to grow our family after I battle the the fight of my life. 

After pondering for what felt like 10 seconds we were forced to make a decision. Now or never. 

Staying positive in this journey is going to be one of the most crucial things to my survival. If I passed on the opportunity to freeze my eggs, my attitude would shift in the most astronomical way. I would feel even more defeat than I already do. And it was for that reason that we decided to take a leap of faith, bury our selves financially within the first 2 weeks of this process, and preserve our little ones. 

So the here's the update:

Friday I started taking estrogen injections. The doctor wasn't wrong. I cry less and eat more, so maybe they really are happy drugs. After a week and a half of injections I will be put to sleep with what my doctor likes to call " Michael Jackson" drugs. Tyler and I are unsure if we should be worried about this... but, take me to Neverland Doc.  Before I even walk out the door we will be informed of how many eggs they were able to retrieve. The process is stalling my chemo therapy by two-ish weeks, and while I should be anxious about that, it is actually providing me a little break from feeling anxious and worried. Out of sight out of mind. 

When this is all over,  Tyler and I will be given the opportunity to potentially grow our family. And While there is only a 30% chance of me being able to carry a child due to chemotherapy, its 30% more than we had if we chose a different route. 

So for now, we will pray that the procedure goes well. That they will be able to extract and freeze a bunch of little Henry babies. And we will be grateful that we had a small little bit of control in this journey that has taken our control away.