Make me an offer I can’t refuse.

To say that this last month has been crazy is an understatement. As said before. But hold on to your seats because it’s about to get crazier!! 

This is a post about my new treatment but I thought I’d put a spin on things and update you in other aspects of our life as well! Bring a little light to the darkness. 

I started my new PARP inhibitor treatment one week ago today. It’s an oral treatment that I take twice a day. 600mg total.  It has not been kind to me. If you mix Chemo sickness and first trimester pregnancy morning sickness together, that’s pretty much how I feel every day. The side effects so far have been pretty intolerable. Raylan has had to spend a lot time with the grandparents and doesn’t really understand how bad I feel. Per usual I try to push through and do more than I should, and I don’t allow him to see that I’m seconds away from running to the bathroom to lose my breakfast. Breakfast that I force fed myself to avoid running to the bathroom to lose it. It’s a vicious cycle. The fatigue has also stepped up 100 notches. Apparently while waiting in the checkout line at the store the other day, I nodded off. I wasn’t aware until my sweet husband was tapping me on the shoulder and waking me up.  So maybe the no driving thing wasn’t so far fetched after all. 

Other than those biggies, there’s some mild bone aches, loss of appetite and I’m having a hard time focusing, still. On conversations, counting money, television, simple things.  

Also due to the radiation my hair has officially started to fall out. And by fall out I mean I look just like the Cynthia doll from the Rugrats cartoon. Luckily it will only fall out in the areas that received radiation. And I have enough hair that I can kind of manipulate it to hide the bald spots. But the emotional aspect of losing my hair that took so long to grow out, and being so swollen from the steroids that I don’t recognize myself, has been hard. I find myself in tears a lot more than usual over my appearance. Honestly, I’m embarrassed to go out in public and when I do, all I want to do is wear a sign or announce to everyone that I’m not choosing to look this way. I know I look bad. I look this way because I had brain Mets and had to go on massive steroids and receive radiation. Not because I don’t care about my appearance. It’s all petty and small in the scheme of things. I’m alive. I have no evidence of disease in my body. And that is ultimately what is most important. Does it make it easier? No. Not at all.  

This was after the first couple of days of losing hair. I’m going on a week now so you can imagine how it looks now. 😫

With all that being said, and sounding negative... let me fill you in on some CRAZY but positive news. We all know that I have been feeling this need of control. The need to make sure things are in order. But what I haven’t shared on this platform is that since I was pregnant with Raylan, Tyler and I have been house hunting. Yes; 4 years we have spent trying to find the perfect house. When we thought we found it, something would occur to make it fall through or not be available to us any longer and typically when that happened, something big would happen in our life and a light bulb would go off and we would say... that is why God didnt let us get that house. Everything truly happens for a reason. 11 years ago this house we are in now was perfect for Tyler and I. Lately, the neighborhood has started to go down hill and I want Raylan to be raised in a better area. The week of my craniotomy surgery, I had several appointments set up for showings of houses that I was interested in seeing. After I got settled into my room, and visitation hours were over, before making the video informing you all of what was going on... one of my first phone calls was to our friend and realtor. Obviously canceling the showings but more importantly, crying and pleading with her that if something happened to me the following day in surgery, or there after, that she not let Tyler raise Raylan in the house we currently lived in. You could call it a wish in case  something happened, getting my ducks on a row, a final request should something go wrong... but as the tears fell from my face all I could ask was, please find them a safe neighborhood where Raylan will be happy. Well, that brings us to today. 5 weeks post surgery. I’m not sure where the time has gone but in the last two weeks, we have managed to find our dream home in our dream neighborhood. Make an offer, have the offer accepted, giving us 72 hours to list our home for sale. I prayed so hard that we were making the right decision. It is INSANE to buy and new house and move a month after brain surgery. I’m aware of the level of crazy!! I was terrified we were making the wrong move out of my need to have everything lined up and controlled. But then God showed me that he was listening to my prayers and knew I needed reassurance that this was the right time and the right house and the right path for my family. With a lot of help from family, and my tweaked brain that won’t stop cleaning, we listed our house for sale within two days of our offer being accepted. The houses in our neighborhood have been going pretty quickly because they make great rental properties and it really is a great home for newley wed couples or someone looking to buy their first starter home. We compared prices that homes had recently sold for in our neighborhood and were going to list our home accordingly. But we knew the buyers of our current house would probably want a little money for paint and flooring. We hadn’t touched the main walls or the floor since about 9 years ago. So we listed our house knowing what we needed to get out of it to make the buy of our next home possible. Never anticipating what would happen next.The listing went up on the MLS website and Zillow. Honestly, seeing how cute it was in the pictures made me sad to potentially leave the house itself (not the neighborhood). I mean, it’s adorable. And after 11 years of living here we have made it into what we wanted it to be. 
Mary Jo, our friend and realtor came over to get her camera that she had left, so that she could post more pictures to the listing and discuss times we would be available to leave so people could come see the house. When she arrived it was chaos, with my step dad power-washing the outside, my mom scrubbing the bathroom getting it ready for people to come look at the house, and Raylan and I trying to stay out of the way and still help. Mary Jo made a phone call and told them to hold. I assumed that it was one of her kids or her husband and she was going to go over things really quickly with me before she took the call. She put the call on speaker, and said “Tyler are you there?” Tyler? My Tyler?? Within seconds she says “I’m really only here to tell you that 15 minutes after I listed your house this morning, we got a full asking price offer and they don’t want anything. No closing costs. No paint allowance. Nothing. And they are making the offer without even seeing the house first.  I’ve also had several phone calls requesting other showings in the last half hour .”  In that moment, my emotions got the best of me in the greatest way possible and I burst into happy tears knowing that it was God talking to me. Telling me we were making the right decision. And as crazy as it is to make such a big leap so soon after surgery and my new treatment and my new diagnosis... it is what is supposed to happen. It is what’s best for my family. And I felt comforted in that moment knowing that this was the sign I was looking for. So...We bought a house!!! And we sold ours within 15 minutes!!! Is that not crazy to anyone else?! CRAZY. While it will be stressful, and it will be a lot for me and a lot on my nerves that are already frazzled, in the long run my anxiety and stress level will be more a peace knowing my family is where they are supposed to be. In an amazing house with a safe neighborhood. Close to our friends and family and support should something ever happen. Not that it will. Not that I’m planing on something happening. But just Incase. 
God is good!! And we are so excited for our next adventure in our forever home as a family!!  Stay tuned because big things are happening and we are so incredibly blessed.  🙏🏻💕