ScAnxiety
Scanxiety (scan anxiety) is a fear or anxiety about MRI or CT scans and their results.
I’ve spoken of scanxiety before but have never given it the time it deserves in any of my posts. Today I have an MRI to check on the swelling in my brain and to make sure radiation and surgery did what it was supposed to do. It’s just a follow up, right? Then why am I so anxious and scared? Maybe because the last time I went in for a scan I ended up having brain surgery the next day. Or maybe because every time I get a scan there is a possibility that the doctor will say my cancer has reoccurred. And its not just me who gets scanxiety on these days. My entire family is basically holding their breath until the results come in. It’s scary to think about, which in turn causes all of us to be on edge. I recommend walking on eggshells around me and my people for the next two days because we might snap at any moment. Have you ever seen the show snapped, where a normal person ends up snapping and losing their mind? That may be us over small things. If the drive thru messes up our order( I’m talking to you McDonalds. When I say I need 6 sweet and sour, do not give me 2!!), or if you are driving in front of us and go 35mph in a 55 ( get out of my way!!) or maybe even if you breath wrong. So there’s your warning. Just kidding, kinda. No, actually not really. I’m unfortunately really serious. You could cut the tension with a knife around here. This is just how we are going to live from now on. Our new normal every three months. Being scared and worried every time I get a scan. It makes it hard to have a normal life when you’re constantly worried. And to be perfectly honest with you I’m so nervous that I have packed clothes, my toothbrush and a phone charger for my scan today, just Incase something happens and I have to be admitted like last time. I think I’m going a little crazy, preparing for the worst. But what am I supposed to do or feel when I haven’t had a great track record of good scans.
Meanwhile, the new treatment is still not playing nice. You know when you run a marathon and you cross the finish line, put your hands on your knees and breath hard trying to slow down your heart rate? Well my heart rate stays at that level while I’m sitting on the couch, binge watching trash tv. (You haven’t lived till you binge 90 day finance) My heart has been at a steady 140-150 the last couple of days. I wish it would trick my body into thinking I ran a marathon so I could lose this steroid weight. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
The good news is I have lost most of my appetite so I’m no longer eating everything in sight to satisfy steroid cravings. I’m officially off of my seizure medication and off of the steroids. So those are both positive steps forward!! The bad news is I struggle getting out of bed because I am still so tired. Coffee is my best friend. I’m keeping Dunkin’ Donuts in buisness with my lattes.
As I head out for my MRI today at 2:00pm I ask that you send all of the positive vibes and prayers my way for good scan results! Now I’m going to go hold and cuddle my sweet baby boy until I have to leave, because we all know what happened last time when I casually told him bye. 🙏🏻💕
I’ve spoken of scanxiety before but have never given it the time it deserves in any of my posts. Today I have an MRI to check on the swelling in my brain and to make sure radiation and surgery did what it was supposed to do. It’s just a follow up, right? Then why am I so anxious and scared? Maybe because the last time I went in for a scan I ended up having brain surgery the next day. Or maybe because every time I get a scan there is a possibility that the doctor will say my cancer has reoccurred. And its not just me who gets scanxiety on these days. My entire family is basically holding their breath until the results come in. It’s scary to think about, which in turn causes all of us to be on edge. I recommend walking on eggshells around me and my people for the next two days because we might snap at any moment. Have you ever seen the show snapped, where a normal person ends up snapping and losing their mind? That may be us over small things. If the drive thru messes up our order( I’m talking to you McDonalds. When I say I need 6 sweet and sour, do not give me 2!!), or if you are driving in front of us and go 35mph in a 55 ( get out of my way!!) or maybe even if you breath wrong. So there’s your warning. Just kidding, kinda. No, actually not really. I’m unfortunately really serious. You could cut the tension with a knife around here. This is just how we are going to live from now on. Our new normal every three months. Being scared and worried every time I get a scan. It makes it hard to have a normal life when you’re constantly worried. And to be perfectly honest with you I’m so nervous that I have packed clothes, my toothbrush and a phone charger for my scan today, just Incase something happens and I have to be admitted like last time. I think I’m going a little crazy, preparing for the worst. But what am I supposed to do or feel when I haven’t had a great track record of good scans.
Meanwhile, the new treatment is still not playing nice. You know when you run a marathon and you cross the finish line, put your hands on your knees and breath hard trying to slow down your heart rate? Well my heart rate stays at that level while I’m sitting on the couch, binge watching trash tv. (You haven’t lived till you binge 90 day finance) My heart has been at a steady 140-150 the last couple of days. I wish it would trick my body into thinking I ran a marathon so I could lose this steroid weight. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
As I head out for my MRI today at 2:00pm I ask that you send all of the positive vibes and prayers my way for good scan results! Now I’m going to go hold and cuddle my sweet baby boy until I have to leave, because we all know what happened last time when I casually told him bye. 🙏🏻💕
Cortney, you're an awesome person. I'm so sorry you have to be going thru this.Just remember God has you in His care. I still keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteCortney, you're an awesome person. I'm so sorry you have to be going thru this.Just remember God has you in His care. I still keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteCortney, you're an awesome person. I'm so sorry you have to be going thru this.Just remember God has you in His care. I still keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDelete